I've been back in Hawaii for a few days, and I can't say I'm overjoyed. Sure, I'm happy that I won't have to spend as much money on a daily basis, happy to see all my friends and family, happy to speak English and not feel completely retarded.
But I'm not sure when I'll get to go back to Japan, and even when I do I won't be able to go back to the crazy life I had over the last four months. I'm too old to go back to Sophia for undergrad studies, and it will be a long time before I can enter their Japanese graduate program. I can't even fathom writing an essay in Japanese, forget a thesis. I'm not interested in doing the JET program because I hate kids, I might get stuck in the countryside, and it's not an opportunity to formally learn Japanese, which I think I'd benefit most from.
Despite the Debbie-Downer side, the semester in Japan was definitely one of the best things I could have done. I'm that much more motivated to learn Japanese and incorporate that into my future career. "Bilingual in Japanese and English" is not just something that would be really nice to put on a resume (insert accent mark over the second e), it's a very personal goal. I've had my little victories in Japanese, like reading the names on mailboxes or having short conversations, and IT'S SO COOL YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I'll enroll in Japanese school for little kids or be the oldest person in a Japanese class at UH I don't care. I'm not that weird, I can pass for an undergrad. Hopefully I'll retain something by the time I finish my degree at Creighton.
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Over the next few blogs, I'll try to do some reflecting (i.e. stuff you don't really have to read) and put up stuff I never got around to posting.
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The toes you step on today may be related to the butt you kiss tomorrow.