I Will

I will be ending my time as an English conversation school teacher in less than two months. Sweet Jesus, hallelujah.

Contract extension? PASS.

While I am no closer to deciding what I will do with my career following my exit from this company, I feel that I have learned a lot about people and about myself. I thank mostly my manager for these epiphanies. I originally was going to write about who I didn't want to be and complain, but I thought I'd at least half-ass an effort to sound positive. So, in no particular order, I give you a list of things I feel I must strive for in the future.

1. I will be dependable

I don't want to be the person no one can count on. I want people to trust that I will do what I say and follow through on what is expected of me. There have been a number of times where I've needed things from other people in my job and they all acted like they'd forgotten about it or I had to NAG NAG NAG for anything to be done. Yes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and you have to work for what you want and whatever, but I don't think that should be used as an excuse for being treated poorly or outright ignored. I want to be better than that.

2. I will express my gratitude

We recently had a sort of company veteran join our school. She's by the book and follows all the rules, but not obnoxiously so. She's always surprising me by how awesome she is at her job - with the kids and with her coworkers. She's never left me hanging and, going back to point 1, I can depend on her. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO HAVE THIS WOMAN AT WORK.

I'm not saying THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU all the time to her (though she deserves it), but I try to show my gratitude through working with her and helping her where I can. If she asks for something, I try to do it as quickly and thoroughly as possible. If I can do some menial task for her when I'm free, I will. Matching words and actions - saying AND showing that I appreciate her being professional.

3. I will give constructive criticism as kindly as I can

I'm a very blunt person. I'm not cut out to work in Japan for the long haul, but I have learned a lot about avoiding unnecessary confrontation. Using a scalpel in surgery rather than a roaring chainsaw, so to say.

I can't say I'm the master of this, but having watched other people successfully deal with problems with just a little bit of patience is mind-blowing to me. I have no patience whatsoever. I'm learning how to develop the skills of counting to 10, gritting my teeth, and nicely puting into words how much I want to punch someone in the face WITHOUT 1) actually punching them or 2) admitting that I'd like to punch them.

It is difficult.

4. I will learn

I make terrible mistakes sometimes, and as awful as they can be I try my best to learn from them rather than dwell on how terrible the experience was. I also try to learn from the mistakes others make, while being grateful (hey, point 2!) that I was not the one who screwed up. If I do something wrong, I'll own up to it and be responsible for fixing it.

5. I will do my best

I will not pass off my responsibilities to someone else. I will not hide my mistakes or attribute them to others. I will work hard and try to help others when I can.

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And now that the mushy positive feel-good stuff is out of the way, I'll tell you, dear reader, about the one incident that ticked me off enough to write this.

This past week, one of our former teachers came to visit. Not red face Brohei-sensei, but our other buddy Sugar Cow sensei. Two of his students came up with that; they were making fun of his first name and I've remembered it since.

He texted me early one morning this past week to ask when he'd be able to see the two who gave him the Sugar Cow moniker. We had a little chat over texts and he mentioned that he had tried to get in touch with my manager, but she must have been busy because she never replied to his mail.

I don't understand how this woman's brain works. This guy saved her incompetent neck from so much, he dealt with me when she didn't feel like it, and he was at her beck and call for a full year. He did his job and a good third of hers, and she couldn't even be bothered to respond to a mail about him wanting to come visit the school. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let it slide. Maybe she'd mention something at work or be different when he showed up.

I started getting anxious around the time Sugar Cow said he'd show up and was so glad when he finally walked through the door. He looked his age for once (24 if I remember correctly), had put some weight on his skinny frame, and seemed overall much happier now that he wasn't working for our company. I came out and greeted him, gave him a hug, got some updates on his life and all that. The other teachers made a good effort to chat him up and the two kids he came to see were happy to have him around for a little while.

Manager didn't even get up from her chair. She gave him a faint, "Otsukaresama desu," accepted the omiyage he handed to her, and went back to work. It's been a few days and I still can't believe she had the gall to act like that; to be so ungrateful to this guy who did so much for her out of professional duty and wanting to be a good person.

I do not want to be anything like manager.

Conventional Beauty or GTFO

I learn all kinds of wonderful things about people and society at work. Racism is okay as long as you're nice about it, learning disabilities and mood disorders in children should go untreated to save the face of adults (this subject will get its own post), and looks get you farther than talent in every conceivable way.

I know I'm beating an equine beast that has been deceased for a long and indeterminate amount of time, but new things continue to pop up that demand a good rant on the internet.

There was a new teacher-in-training at my school. She seemed nervous all the time and was a bit quiet, but I would have been on edge if I were in her place. Though I hadn't exchanged anything more than polite greetings with her, she seemed nice.

She was also quite pretty. Weighed less than I ever will.

The only comments I had heard about her from higher-ups is that she "sounds good on the phone" and "looks nice." Another co-worker mentioned her standardized test scores were really good, yet she did poorly when a foreign teacher interviewed her in English. As long as you look cute, you don't need to actually speak English to work at an English conversation school, right?

Right.

Prime example - this is an actual note that was left on my drawer at work by a coworker. If they hadn't talked to me in person about this class, I wouldn't know what any of this garbage meant. But hey, fuck spelling and grammar if you've got a pretty face and get people in the door!

Business level English is a preference, not a requirement.

I've interviewed people with a range of skill levels. Some can barely string a sentence together, others speak fluently and tell me they've got a PhD in education from Stanford (at which point I question why they'd ever work for my company). None of it matters. If you're good-looking, you're set. If one person in the interview process doesn't like how you look, you're done.

I've heard all kinds of atrocious comments made about some of my interviewees. I interviewed one guy who had lived in America for a decade and spoke near-fluently, but a coworker couldn't get it out of her head that he looked like some obscure comedian and laughed about it all day. I felt bad for the guy, he did well otherwise and he wasn't all that bad looking in the first place. I'm not sure if he was ever hired or went through training, but I'd guess not.

I can only imagine what people say about me and what random things Japanese people find less than attractive about my appearance. I'd guess 1) too fat, 2) face isn't Japanese enough, and 3) too fat (you really can't be skinny enough in this country). I do have the beautiful white skin that is so coveted by Japanese women, according to the boyfriend at least. I also don't need any glue for my double eye-lids, they're natural.

The pretty trainee ended up not making it because she found the higher-level classes too difficult to teach. I'm surprised someone had the gall to let a conventionally attractive girl go without a job. Guess she wasn't cute enough for someone at the head office.

The Tampon Incident: UPDATE

After writing that post about being encouraged to carry my used tampons in my purse, I received a lot of feedback!

It seems the person quoted in that last post is very much alone in her ways and that none of my female friends have ever been asked to do that, native Japanese or foreigners living in Japan. THANK GOODNESS.

Thinking about all the comments I got (on Twitter, Facebook, here), I don't know if she was lying to try to convince me to change my behavior because she is uncomfortable with it or if she genuinely practices what she preaches and she's got some kind of bloody mess in her bag. I'm not okay with either situation.

I didn't mention it in the other post, but she came to a "compromise" for us: if I want to throw away my applicators at work, I have to use these little black plastic bags that exist for the sole purpose of throwing away feminine products. Our normal garbage bags are big clear plastic bags and to have a bunch of little black bags in the big clear one is stupid. Everyone knows what's in them and they only serve as another level of shaming. As I said before, you can look at a tampon wrapper in a garbage bag and be an adult about it. Menstruation happens, it's a fact of life for most of us womenfolk. Get over it.

[I'd also like to go on a small tangent about how shops use similar black plastic bags when you buy pads or tampons. The only other products they use them for are condoms, which I can understand a little bit more since it's a sex product. But if I see a girl carrying around a bright yellow Don Quixote bag and there's a black plastic bag in there, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS. The employees at the register always take forever to wrap those things because they're supposed to use the black bags, and everyone in line knows what you're buying since it's taking so long to bag. They do this in America as well, but most of the time they use a brown paper bag inside a plastic bag. It's not quite as obvious since they bag heavier items that way, too.]

The other situation would be that she actually does this herself. That someone probably told her, in her youth after her menarche, that all women should do this and if you don't you're stupid/awful/not a woman/etc. I'm less inclined to believe this situation, but I have no way to judge. I'd be more sympathetic and less angry if this were the case.

I will now go back to posting fun things for a little while, as I rediscovered some photos from weeks past and will be having more happy adventures soon. YAY.

The Tampon Incident

READER BEWARE: This post contains swearing and excessive use of the Caps Lock key. You have been warned.

I am a woman. I am relatively healthy. I could eat better and exercise more, but I digress. As far as I know, my bodily functions are all in order because of my good health. I am of child-bearing age and menstruate regularly, which means things get a little bloody about once a month. This is a completely normal and expected part of my ovulation cycle. Sometimes the timing of these normal bodily functions overlap with my work schedule.

"Who threw away tampons in the trash?"

I did. It wasn't the bloody used tampon, just the applicator in the wrapper. If you need a diagram for why tampons have applicators, Google is your friend.

I flush the used tampons, put the applicator back in the wrapper (Japanese ones allow for this), and throw the wrapped applicator into a trash can that has a lid and is located behind a curtain.

"Please don't throw them away there."

I honestly couldn't think of an alternative and I'm sure my face made that obvious.

"Please take them home with you."

WHY IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST WOULD I DO THAT??? JUST HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT, EXACTLY??? PUT IT BACK IN MY PURSE AND LET IT FESTER IN MY BAG ALL DAY WHILE I'M AT WORK???

"Yes."

SHE SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, TOO. CARLY, PUT THAT SHIT BACK IN YOUR BAG. IT DOESN'T BELONG IN THE TRASH AT WORK. IT BELONGS IN YOUR TRASH AT HOME.

AND WITH WHAT SORT OF ASS BACKWARDS MOST LIKELY MISOGYNISTIC REASONING ARE YOU GOING TO TRY TO CONVINCE ME THAT THIS IS EVEN SLIGHTLY OKAY??? BECAUSE AT THIS VERY MOMENT THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DISGUSTING THINGS I HAVE EVER BEEN SERIOUSLY TOLD TO DO.

"All Japanese women do this."

FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT.

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT EVERY MENSTRUATING WOMAN IN JAPAN DOES THIS??? SCHOOL GIRLS, OFFICE LADIES, HOUSEWIVES GO AROUND CARRYING THEIR USED PADS AND TAMPONS IN THEIR BAGS ALL DAY IN ORDER TO THROW THEM AWAY AT HOME??? THEY CARRY THEIR USED FEMININE PRODUCTS IN RESTAURANTS, ON THE TRAIN, IN THE OFFICE, AND IN THEIR SCHOOLBAGS???

SO EVERYWHERE THERE IS A WOMAN WITH A BAG SHE IS POTENTIALLY CARRYING ALL HER USED PADS AND TAMPONS??? THAT IF SHE FORGOT TO THROW THEM AWAY THE DAY BEFORE THEY'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR THAT MUCH LONGER???

THIS IS NOT OKAY. THIS IS SOME FORM OF SHAMING AND UNSANITARY. THIS IS NOT A CULTURAL STANDARD I AM EVER GOING TO EVEN CONSIDER FOLLOWING. FUCK THAT.

OKAY SERIOUSLY YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DEFEND THIS WITH.

"Moms can't throw away diapers here."

BECAUSE DIAPERS ARE FULL OF FECES AND URINE. THEIR KIDS ARE HERE FOR AN HOUR. THAT DIAPER WILL BE IN THE TRASH CAN UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY, AND THEN IN A TRASH BAG BEHIND THE CURTAIN IN THE BATHROOM UNTIL THE NEXT TRASH DAY.

MY TAMPON APPLICATOR HAS MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE THE SMALLEST SMEAR OF BLOOD ON IT. YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SMELL IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TRASH CAN. YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T SMELL IT IF IT WAS ON TOP OF THE TRASH CAN.

AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THEM UNTIL I'D BEEN WORKING HERE FOR FOUR MONTHS.

YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID. USED DIAPERS DO NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY COMPARE TO USED TAMPON APPLICATORS.

ANYTHING ELSE???

"The men might see it in the trash when they clean the bathroom."

OH.

THE POOR MEN.

THINK OF THE POOR MEN.

THEY MIGHT GET COOTIES. THEY MIGHT FEEL ICKY AT THE SIGHT OF A TAMPON WRAPPER. THEY MIGHT THINK OF A BLEEDING VAGINA AND WANT TO CUT OFF THEIR PENISES.

YOU POOR THINGS CAN GET USED TO IT. I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS DAMNED MENSTRUATION CYCLE EVERY MONTH SINCE I WAS 12. I HAVE TO TAKE 800MG OF IBUPROFEN EVERY FOUR HOURS JUST TO FUNCTION. PERIOD SHITS ARE REALLY FUN, TOO. IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE KICK YOU IN THE NUTS EVERY FIVE MINUTES WHEN YOU HAVE DIARRHEA,  MAYBE I'LL THINK OF YOU POOR MEN.

UNTIL THEN YOU CAN GLANCE AT MY FUCKING TAMPON WRAPPER IN THE TRASH WHERE IT BELONGS AND BE A GODDAMN ADULT ABOUT IT.

IF YOU ARE WONDERING IF THIS ENTIRE STORY REALLY HAPPENED, IT DID. TODAY. THOSE QUOTES ARE REAL.


SO FUCKING GROSS ON SO MANY LEVELS.

Smoothing my skirt under my ass, and other things

As much as I earnestly try to avoid judging Japanese culture, it happens. I was raised in America and I'll probably always see the world that way to some extent, so some things just BOTHER ME because I wasn't brought up to do x, y, z or believe a, b, c, or what have you.

Gender roles in Japanese society irritate me. A lot. The injustices and double-standards women are subjected to here are almost too much to bear sometimes*. I could rant about the politics and rape culture in Japan for forever (I could rant about the same topics in America, as well), but I'll try to keep it a bit shallow for now.

A few weeks ago I was watching some variety/talk show on TV, where they were doing random top 5 lists. My Japanese is absolute fail, so I'm going to guess from the content of the segment that this top 5 was about easy things women can do to appear more desirable, attractive, and feminine at work. Some female "expert" on these matters would explain or demonstrate her recommendations, and the stereotypical pretty female co-host would try them in a role-play situation with one of the dumpy male comedians. Hilarity would then ensue.

I got through two of these recommendations before I turned off my TV. I tried to find videos of this on YouTube but couldn't, so I must describe what happened. The first was how to pick up and return a guy's pen if he happened to drop it in front of you. You should position yourself to pick up the pen at your side, rather than facing the pen head on. If you happen to be wearing a skirt, smooth your skirt under you as you gently kneel down. Don't bend both knees at the same angle as if you were squatting in a seiza position, keep one knee slightly higher. Your torso should be kept upright and the arm that is picking up the pen must be perfectly straight - it creates a very attractive line down the body. Pick up the pen, stand up keeping your arm in the same position, and extend your arm to the guy. Smile and say, "Excuse me, you dropped your pen. Here you are."

The second wasn't quite as bad. The "expert" said that women should face forward when putting up their hair in a ponytail, rather than looking down. I admit I put my hair up this way because it's easier on my neck and shoulders, and if both my hands are occupied I feel like I should be watching what's going on around me. However, according to the "expert" this is a far more attractive way to put up your hair, because people are able to see you with nice posture and take in the beauty of your face. If you bend your neck down while putting up your hair you kind of look like a disgusting troll.

I'm not so naive to think that appearances don't matter. The Japanese are especially concerned with how others perceive them, and its importance in society is summed up nicely with the phrase hito no me. But sometimes it seems the need to have the perfect outward facade outweighs more important things. Japan Today reported that pretty people who are as dumb as rocks will get the job more often than smart people with average looks. In their experiment, every single one of the models, even the ones who made themselves out to look like complete idiots, were hired over the average joes.

I do feel I've experienced this at work - something small I did or did not do regarding my appearance or demeanor was not up to snuff and I received not-so-nice comments about it. I don't feel comfortable detailing it on my very public blog, but it's always over something really dumb. I find it particularly annoying that my questions or concerns about important aspects of my job are regularly brushed aside or ignored, but small things I do concerning my appearance are up for discussion at all times. Our priorities, they are not in order.

However, my experiences would be 100x more enraging if those comments came from men. I mean, it's the same stupid expectations and it technically shouldn't matter who's enforcing them, men or women, but it does. My company employs mostly women, so if I have to smooth my skirt under my butt for a raise at least I'll know it's not because the boss likes staring at my ass. If I have to pour her beer after work, at least I know it's definitely because I'm of lower rank in the company and not because I'm the only woman at the table. It is disturbing to me that the idea that women have to be perfect and feminine in the workplace to get ahead seems to be accepted without much protest by Japanese women. Like they all collectively say, "Shikata ga nai, ne?" and go back to work.

But, again, what do I know? I'm just an uppity gaijin.

*I'll admit men put up with some bullshit expectations, but I think women have to tolerate far more.