Miss/Won't Miss #9

Things I'll Miss About Japan #9: Wearing Whatever the Hell I Want and NEVER Looking Like a Weirdo
I have commented before about fashion and appearance standards for young females. When I was at Jouchi I felt like I had to "dress up" for school. I always had to have my nails painted, make-up done just right, hair curled, cute outfit, the whole nine yards -- and that was only for class. When I got back to Omaha I was shocked to see how girls would roll out of bed and go out into the world* because no girl in their right mind would have done that at Sophia.

I still think the standards are set high in a city like Tokyo, maybe a little bit higher for girls than guys. I have expanded my views, however, to include the fact that you can wear anything you want as long as it looks like you put some effort into it.

Normal. Really.

Seriously, you can dress however you want and no one will look at you twice. Even in Saitama, I see girls dressed to the nines in lolita gear and it's perfectly normal. If you ride the Yamanote on a regular basis you become accustomed to the goth and visual kei people. On the train ride from the airport, I was standing next to a girl that was dressed in super Kyary Pamyu Pamyu style and my parents were like, "Do people always dress like that?" Yeah, they do! I didn't even really notice her.

*When I went to college, girls tended to dress like this: 1) North Face jacket or university sweatshirt, 2) Victoria's Secret PINK line sweat pants in some disgusting neon color, 3) Ugg boots, 4) Vera Bradley purse (the first time I saw them on a bunch of sorority girls I thought someone's mom made them cuz that shit is HIDEOUS), 5) sport backpack with a thermos hanging off a clip, 6) hair in the Britney Spears top of the head messy 5-second ponytail with headband. Bonus points for orange skin from tanning booths and/or chunky blonde highlights.

Things I Won't Miss About Japan #9: Being Totally Screwed When Not Dressed Appropriately

I hate regretting what I wore for the day. I don't live really far from Tokyo, but once I'm on the train that's it. Whatever clothes I have on are all I've got to protect me from the elements. Unless I want to spend money on new clothes, which I actually don't always want to do, I'm screwed.

It happens more often when the seasons are changing and the weather can't decide what it wants to be. I'll leave the house thinking, "Oh, I don't need a scarf! Oh, I don't need another layer!" and then FREEZE later on. Last fall I spent the night at my boyfriend's house thinking it'd be cold all weekend, and come Sunday morning it was summer weather. I only had my big hot leather boots to wear. Ew.

I got lucky this past weekend when I went to a barbecue. The weather forecast said 80% chance of rain and I took a chance thinking it might get sunny and hot. I was a little cold in the morning but the weather cleared up and I even got a nice sunburn!

It was so hot, Funny D had ice cubes put in his pants!

Miss/Won't Miss #5

Things I'll Miss About Japan #5: The Broad Spectrum of Acceptable Toppings

In general, food in Japan is amazing. Sometimes the amazing food gets topped with what seem like random other things to foreign people. Corn, mayonnaise, miso, and cheese all seem to make their way into normal things and make them... Japanese-y.

Eggs get thrown into just about everything. Raw and whisked, soft-boiled, hard-boiled, patty-shaped and slipping out of your burger. Something makes Japanese eggs so magical that I've yet to get sick from eating an under-cooked one.

Pizza is often strange. I don't know if he was trolling me, but my dear Twitter friend Chef once mentioned he couldn't imagine pizza without tuna and mayonnaise. Marissa and I got adventurous one weekend and ordered a pizza from Domino's with as many non-traditional toppings as we could handle. Apologies to Chef, tuna and mayo did not make the cut.

The DVDs came out or something.

Chunks of butter are also completely normal toppings or sides. Butter ramen is fairly common and I even had an egg and butter gyuudon a few days ago. It was delicious and probably took a whole 15 minutes off my lifespan. This butter came already in the gyudon, but there was a button on the shop's vending machine that had extra butter for 50 yen.

Butter AND an under-cooked egg!

Things I Won't Miss About Japan #5: The Exclusion of Ketchup as an Acceptable Topping

What did ketchup ever do to Japanese people? Every time I've ever asked for more than one ketchup tray at McDonald's or some other restaurant where the ketchup isn't self-serve, the employees look at me like I'm insane. They won't even give you more than one at Mos Burger!

Public food enemy #1

My boyfriend explained to me that ketchup is seen as a fatty food, and it doesn't help that the gaijin love it. YOU KNOW HOW MANY MORE CALORIES ARE IN THAT BOTTLE OF KEWPIE??? Mayonnaise is traditionally made from oil and eggs, at least ketchup has some tomatoes going on in there.

My Sakura Post

UGH ALMOST 10 DAYS AND NO NEW POST?!?!?!?! Terrible. So here's a bunch of pretty sakura from two weeks ago in Omiya Park.

Only in Japan would you have a karaoke set going on in a little
dinky drinking shop in a park.

I also went to Ueno Park too early for good sakura viewing, but there was good eatin'!

What do you call sake and orange juice?
Not quite a screwdriver...

On this baked potato:
Mayonnaise, miso sauce, and butter.

MMM BUTTER.

K srsly tho next time I'll do a proper post. I'VE BEEN BUSY. Oh yeah and it was my birthday or something. Shit, that's another post. I'LL GET TO IT EVENTUALLY.

Conversations with My Students: Second Buttons

I've been watching a lot of videos from MEGWIN, a hilarious Japanese YouTuber who uploads videos daily of him and his buddies doing stupid things. They're quick and easy videos that don't require a whole lot of language skills to understand, but there was one that I didn't quite get.

I understood the words spoken even without the help of subtitles, but the cultural tradition he's referencing was completely unknown to me. You give your second button to someone? Or they ask for it? What?

Good thing I teach English to two Japanese boys who just graduated from high school! I asked each of them about this second button tradition.

Me: You know MEGWIN?
Mittens: Japanese comedian? Yes, I know him.
Me: Yeah so I was watching one of his videos and he had this thing about the second button on a uniform. What's that all about?
Mittens: Um... I think boys give their buttons to girls.
Me: (remembered Mittens goes to an all boys school) Ah, so you didn't give yours away. What do girls do with the button?
Mittens: I don't know, I'm not a girl.
Me: OK smarty pants. Why the second one? That's stupid, you totally ruin the look of the uniform. Giving one from your sleeve or maybe the last button wouldn't be as noticeable.
Mittens: I don't know.

Me: OK Slightly Racist Teenager. Explain this second button business.
Slightly Racist Teenager: Girls ask for buttons from guys they like, or boys give their buttons to girls they like.
Me: Why the second one?
SRT: I don't know.
Me: Did you give your second button to anyone???
SRT: Um uh eeehh... I gave it to my friend.
Me: REALLY? YOUR FRIEND? :D
SRT: Ah eeehh... yes?
Me: Uh huh, ok Slightly Racist Teenager... what do girls do with the buttons?
SRT: I don't know.
Me: You don't make like a cell phone charm out of it or put it somewhere?
SRT: I don't know.

Frustrated with the boys' answers, I asked Brohei-sensei about this as well. I realize this is not a conversation with a student but it's informative!

Me: I asked Mittens and Slightly Racist Teenager about the second button thing, but they didn't know what girls do with the buttons once they get them.
Brohei: Yeah, I don't know either.
Me: Did anyone ask for your button? You had a girlfriend in high school!
Brohei: Actually... I don't think she asked for mine! Maybe she asked for someone else's button?
Me: LOL THAT IS TERRIBLE. Why the second one?
Brohei: I think it's because it's close to your heart.
Me: AAAWWWW that's cute. Do some girls try to get as many buttons as they can? Like to brag about later? I think I'd try to collect as many as I could then make a cell phone strap!
Brohei: LOL maybe! I don't know. But it's an old tradition since a lot of uniforms have blazers and not the kind with the collar and buttons.

What uniforms on real teenage boys tend to look like.

I think it's a cute tradition! Brohei asked me if we did anything similar in America and the only thing I could think of was giving your class ring to someone. Someone tell me what the girls do with the buttons!!!

Things the Japanese Do: Think "silly" is a cuss word

Recently my brother has taken to chiding my mother and father for using the word "stupid." He says it's a bad word that we shouldn't use. Instead, we should substitute the word "silly" for when we'd normally opt for "stupid."

They wouldn't air it in Japan if it was "Two Silly Dogs."

As a native English speaker, I can tell you with all authority that this is perfectly fine in most situations. "Stupid" can have a very negative connotation, especially when combined with other 4-letter words. However, "silly" has no weight to it. For example, let me present two phrases:

1) You are so stupid.
2) You are so silly.

The first phrase is quite legitimate and I'm sure most native speakers have heard it before or even hurled it at someone themselves. You would be calling someone an idiot and thems is definitely fightin' words. I can almost guarantee that you will never hear the second one in any sort of serious confrontation or argument, because it is simply too fluffy. It's more of a light comment you'd make after seeing a baby animal or small child do something cute, or a phrase you could use if you were a writer for Monty Python.

In the completely logical country of Japan, this is not the case. In my personal experience, "silly" is considered a heinous taboo word that should never be uttered.

In one of my classes this past spring, a young child made a small mistake and I said, "Oh [dear child whose mother I loathe], don't be silly!" The mother later complained to my manager that I had called her child "silly." I have written about my work situation before, so I will just say that we did not come to an understanding about the word "silly" as native speakers see it. Because you know, we should disregard whatever the native speaker says about their own language in regard to how a non-native speaker misinterprets it.

My grandmother student has also said that "silly" is a terrible word to use and has warned us against using it with her granddaughter. I should really bring it up in class one day and assure her that there are far more filthy terms at a native speaker's disposal when dealing with children. I did successfully teach her the term "brat" and she even used it in class to describe said granddaughter.

Japanese people do have a strange affinity for the word "crazy." I realize we use this term to describe a variety of things, but it can quickly become rude when describing people. I hear a lot of, "My kid is so crazy!" "S/he is so crazy!" and they don't mean to be offensive but I know to many people it would be. Yet no one in Japan would ever talk about mental health issues or people who are actually foaming at the mouth and rambling about how their best friend Zombie Satan wears a fedora on Tuesdays, so trying to explain things like that under most circumstances would be useless.

I think I should make a list of words to use instead of "silly." If I can't use silly, perhaps "fuckwit" is a better substitution. Suggestions welcome.

Things the Japanese Do: Go to the Doctor for Everything

I was the unfortunate victim of food poisoning this past Wednesday. Dinner came back up the way it went down at about 2:30am and I spent the rest of the night running to the bathroom. I didn't get much rest and I certainly didn't feel good, but I also knew skipping work the next day would be pretty bad. I got through my Thursday classes, slept a good 12 hours that night, and still wasn't 100% better today but I got through it.

I didn't go to the doctor since I knew what made me sick and I doubt any doctor could give you medicine to cure food poisoning. I took some good ol' Pepto-Bismol, tried to keep hydrated, and didn't have any problems.

The best things in life are pink~

This is generally what we do in America when we get sick - self-diagnose and medicate with over-the-counter drugs. If you've got the sniffles and a cough, you take some Dayquil to survive the workday, eat some soup when you get home and go to bed early. If you're still sick after a while or you get worse, then you go to the doctor. If you're prone to getting sick in certain ways and already know what the doctor's going to tell you since you've been there a million times before with the same thing, you skip going altogether and treat yourself unless you need a prescription.

I can think of a few female friends who have been prone to urinary tract infections. Maybe their moms or sisters got them a lot, too, so it's not necessarily something they can always avoid and the infections just sort of happen. They drink a lot of fluids, namely cranberry juice, and maybe buy a bottle of cranberry pills. It's not a big deal and they know at what point they should visit the doctor, if ever.

It's very different, and not necessarily better, in Japan. People go to the doctor for every little thing in this country. The first time I wore glasses to work my manager asked why I was wearing them, and I told her my eyes felt a little dry so I decided to skip wearing contacts. I suppose she immediately assumed my eyes were going to fall out of my head and asked me three times if I needed to go to the doctor.

One of my coworkers went to the doctor last week and I'm still not convinced they needed to. They were fine the night before when I left work, but still somehow needed to take half a day off the next day came in looking perfectly fine at 2pm. Did I mention I went to work half dead after puking and pooing my brains out the night before? Another coworker once went to the doctor for a headache and came to work 2 hours later. If I did that back home I'm pretty sure the doctor would tell me to go get some aspirin and laugh about it with the nurses.

Having a fever is also the ultimate kiss of death in this country. If you have a fever, you NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR NOW. Back home, I'd probably take some ibuprofen and drink more water. You can call in sick with a fever and be left alone, but if you have any other sort of severe symptoms like having lost your voice or body aches you better be at work or school. Kids come to class with all sorts of disgusting sicknesses going on, but if they have a fever moms will keep them at home as if that were the only legitimate reason to do so.

"Suck it up, Timmy! Time to go to English school!"

I realize part of this attitude comes from the fact that the Japanese have this great nationalized healthcare  system (paying to see a doctor? PSH we don't do that here) and there are tons of little private practices all over the place. In my neighborhood alone, there are a bunch of chiropractors, pediatricians, and dentists, and there are at least two women's clinics within reasonable walking distance; there's also an English-speaking doctor on the other side of my station. If you don't like a doctor at one clinic, you can try a bunch of other clinics in a relatively small area until you find one you like. Even in a comparable metropolitan area in the US, it's just not as easy to get to a doctor's office and you're kinda stuck with whoever your insurance allows you to see. Why would you go to the doctor in America? You're better off diagnosing yourself and drinking 10 bottles of cranberry juice.

I haven't been to the doctor yet since coming here, although by Japanese standards I'm sure I've had a few episodes that warranted a trip. Maybe I'll call out the next time I have a headache.

Nordic Print Tampons

I've said in previous posts how everything marketed to women in Japan has to have some sort of OMG SUPER KAWAII element to it, and apparently tampons are no exception. Allow me to showcase my latest find: Nordic print tampons!

Seriously - why do these even exist? Japan loves its seasonal themed crap, I know, and I share in that love every time I go to a convenience store and see new stupid drinks or snacks. I suppose Nordic print is everywhere because it's cold like the Nordic countries of northern Europe (although not really), so why not put it on tampons? At least they didn't cost any more than the normal print ones.

Better watch out for this starry night design, too!

Yet unfailingly, I was reminded at the register of how ridiculous this all is. I told the cashier I didn't need a bag since I'd be tossing it into my big work bag, but she still wanted to wrap the box in brown paper. IT'S A SNAZZY NORDIC PRINT, WHY WOULDN'T I WANT TO SHOW OFF MY AWESOME FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS TO EVERYONE I KNOW??? Oh, that's right, because it's still a tampon box and it would be so mortifying to be seen carrying it. I do wonder if the Nordic print will throw off my manager from realizing it's a tampon...

In other news, I took a picture with a big poster of Aiba in a train station. VERY DANGER.

Now if only I could somehow rip that poster off the pole...

The Tampon Incident: UPDATE

After writing that post about being encouraged to carry my used tampons in my purse, I received a lot of feedback!

It seems the person quoted in that last post is very much alone in her ways and that none of my female friends have ever been asked to do that, native Japanese or foreigners living in Japan. THANK GOODNESS.

Thinking about all the comments I got (on Twitter, Facebook, here), I don't know if she was lying to try to convince me to change my behavior because she is uncomfortable with it or if she genuinely practices what she preaches and she's got some kind of bloody mess in her bag. I'm not okay with either situation.

I didn't mention it in the other post, but she came to a "compromise" for us: if I want to throw away my applicators at work, I have to use these little black plastic bags that exist for the sole purpose of throwing away feminine products. Our normal garbage bags are big clear plastic bags and to have a bunch of little black bags in the big clear one is stupid. Everyone knows what's in them and they only serve as another level of shaming. As I said before, you can look at a tampon wrapper in a garbage bag and be an adult about it. Menstruation happens, it's a fact of life for most of us womenfolk. Get over it.

[I'd also like to go on a small tangent about how shops use similar black plastic bags when you buy pads or tampons. The only other products they use them for are condoms, which I can understand a little bit more since it's a sex product. But if I see a girl carrying around a bright yellow Don Quixote bag and there's a black plastic bag in there, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS. The employees at the register always take forever to wrap those things because they're supposed to use the black bags, and everyone in line knows what you're buying since it's taking so long to bag. They do this in America as well, but most of the time they use a brown paper bag inside a plastic bag. It's not quite as obvious since they bag heavier items that way, too.]

The other situation would be that she actually does this herself. That someone probably told her, in her youth after her menarche, that all women should do this and if you don't you're stupid/awful/not a woman/etc. I'm less inclined to believe this situation, but I have no way to judge. I'd be more sympathetic and less angry if this were the case.

I will now go back to posting fun things for a little while, as I rediscovered some photos from weeks past and will be having more happy adventures soon. YAY.

The Tampon Incident

READER BEWARE: This post contains swearing and excessive use of the Caps Lock key. You have been warned.

I am a woman. I am relatively healthy. I could eat better and exercise more, but I digress. As far as I know, my bodily functions are all in order because of my good health. I am of child-bearing age and menstruate regularly, which means things get a little bloody about once a month. This is a completely normal and expected part of my ovulation cycle. Sometimes the timing of these normal bodily functions overlap with my work schedule.

"Who threw away tampons in the trash?"

I did. It wasn't the bloody used tampon, just the applicator in the wrapper. If you need a diagram for why tampons have applicators, Google is your friend.

I flush the used tampons, put the applicator back in the wrapper (Japanese ones allow for this), and throw the wrapped applicator into a trash can that has a lid and is located behind a curtain.

"Please don't throw them away there."

I honestly couldn't think of an alternative and I'm sure my face made that obvious.

"Please take them home with you."

WHY IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST WOULD I DO THAT??? JUST HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT, EXACTLY??? PUT IT BACK IN MY PURSE AND LET IT FESTER IN MY BAG ALL DAY WHILE I'M AT WORK???

"Yes."

SHE SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, TOO. CARLY, PUT THAT SHIT BACK IN YOUR BAG. IT DOESN'T BELONG IN THE TRASH AT WORK. IT BELONGS IN YOUR TRASH AT HOME.

AND WITH WHAT SORT OF ASS BACKWARDS MOST LIKELY MISOGYNISTIC REASONING ARE YOU GOING TO TRY TO CONVINCE ME THAT THIS IS EVEN SLIGHTLY OKAY??? BECAUSE AT THIS VERY MOMENT THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST DISGUSTING THINGS I HAVE EVER BEEN SERIOUSLY TOLD TO DO.

"All Japanese women do this."

FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT. FUCK THAT.

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT EVERY MENSTRUATING WOMAN IN JAPAN DOES THIS??? SCHOOL GIRLS, OFFICE LADIES, HOUSEWIVES GO AROUND CARRYING THEIR USED PADS AND TAMPONS IN THEIR BAGS ALL DAY IN ORDER TO THROW THEM AWAY AT HOME??? THEY CARRY THEIR USED FEMININE PRODUCTS IN RESTAURANTS, ON THE TRAIN, IN THE OFFICE, AND IN THEIR SCHOOLBAGS???

SO EVERYWHERE THERE IS A WOMAN WITH A BAG SHE IS POTENTIALLY CARRYING ALL HER USED PADS AND TAMPONS??? THAT IF SHE FORGOT TO THROW THEM AWAY THE DAY BEFORE THEY'VE BEEN IN THERE FOR THAT MUCH LONGER???

THIS IS NOT OKAY. THIS IS SOME FORM OF SHAMING AND UNSANITARY. THIS IS NOT A CULTURAL STANDARD I AM EVER GOING TO EVEN CONSIDER FOLLOWING. FUCK THAT.

OKAY SERIOUSLY YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING BETTER TO DEFEND THIS WITH.

"Moms can't throw away diapers here."

BECAUSE DIAPERS ARE FULL OF FECES AND URINE. THEIR KIDS ARE HERE FOR AN HOUR. THAT DIAPER WILL BE IN THE TRASH CAN UNTIL THE END OF THE DAY, AND THEN IN A TRASH BAG BEHIND THE CURTAIN IN THE BATHROOM UNTIL THE NEXT TRASH DAY.

MY TAMPON APPLICATOR HAS MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE THE SMALLEST SMEAR OF BLOOD ON IT. YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SMELL IT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE TRASH CAN. YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T SMELL IT IF IT WAS ON TOP OF THE TRASH CAN.

AND YOU DIDN'T NOTICE THEM UNTIL I'D BEEN WORKING HERE FOR FOUR MONTHS.

YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID. USED DIAPERS DO NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY COMPARE TO USED TAMPON APPLICATORS.

ANYTHING ELSE???

"The men might see it in the trash when they clean the bathroom."

OH.

THE POOR MEN.

THINK OF THE POOR MEN.

THEY MIGHT GET COOTIES. THEY MIGHT FEEL ICKY AT THE SIGHT OF A TAMPON WRAPPER. THEY MIGHT THINK OF A BLEEDING VAGINA AND WANT TO CUT OFF THEIR PENISES.

YOU POOR THINGS CAN GET USED TO IT. I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH THIS DAMNED MENSTRUATION CYCLE EVERY MONTH SINCE I WAS 12. I HAVE TO TAKE 800MG OF IBUPROFEN EVERY FOUR HOURS JUST TO FUNCTION. PERIOD SHITS ARE REALLY FUN, TOO. IF YOU HAVE SOMEONE KICK YOU IN THE NUTS EVERY FIVE MINUTES WHEN YOU HAVE DIARRHEA,  MAYBE I'LL THINK OF YOU POOR MEN.

UNTIL THEN YOU CAN GLANCE AT MY FUCKING TAMPON WRAPPER IN THE TRASH WHERE IT BELONGS AND BE A GODDAMN ADULT ABOUT IT.

IF YOU ARE WONDERING IF THIS ENTIRE STORY REALLY HAPPENED, IT DID. TODAY. THOSE QUOTES ARE REAL.


SO FUCKING GROSS ON SO MANY LEVELS.

Smoothing my skirt under my ass, and other things

As much as I earnestly try to avoid judging Japanese culture, it happens. I was raised in America and I'll probably always see the world that way to some extent, so some things just BOTHER ME because I wasn't brought up to do x, y, z or believe a, b, c, or what have you.

Gender roles in Japanese society irritate me. A lot. The injustices and double-standards women are subjected to here are almost too much to bear sometimes*. I could rant about the politics and rape culture in Japan for forever (I could rant about the same topics in America, as well), but I'll try to keep it a bit shallow for now.

A few weeks ago I was watching some variety/talk show on TV, where they were doing random top 5 lists. My Japanese is absolute fail, so I'm going to guess from the content of the segment that this top 5 was about easy things women can do to appear more desirable, attractive, and feminine at work. Some female "expert" on these matters would explain or demonstrate her recommendations, and the stereotypical pretty female co-host would try them in a role-play situation with one of the dumpy male comedians. Hilarity would then ensue.

I got through two of these recommendations before I turned off my TV. I tried to find videos of this on YouTube but couldn't, so I must describe what happened. The first was how to pick up and return a guy's pen if he happened to drop it in front of you. You should position yourself to pick up the pen at your side, rather than facing the pen head on. If you happen to be wearing a skirt, smooth your skirt under you as you gently kneel down. Don't bend both knees at the same angle as if you were squatting in a seiza position, keep one knee slightly higher. Your torso should be kept upright and the arm that is picking up the pen must be perfectly straight - it creates a very attractive line down the body. Pick up the pen, stand up keeping your arm in the same position, and extend your arm to the guy. Smile and say, "Excuse me, you dropped your pen. Here you are."

The second wasn't quite as bad. The "expert" said that women should face forward when putting up their hair in a ponytail, rather than looking down. I admit I put my hair up this way because it's easier on my neck and shoulders, and if both my hands are occupied I feel like I should be watching what's going on around me. However, according to the "expert" this is a far more attractive way to put up your hair, because people are able to see you with nice posture and take in the beauty of your face. If you bend your neck down while putting up your hair you kind of look like a disgusting troll.

I'm not so naive to think that appearances don't matter. The Japanese are especially concerned with how others perceive them, and its importance in society is summed up nicely with the phrase hito no me. But sometimes it seems the need to have the perfect outward facade outweighs more important things. Japan Today reported that pretty people who are as dumb as rocks will get the job more often than smart people with average looks. In their experiment, every single one of the models, even the ones who made themselves out to look like complete idiots, were hired over the average joes.

I do feel I've experienced this at work - something small I did or did not do regarding my appearance or demeanor was not up to snuff and I received not-so-nice comments about it. I don't feel comfortable detailing it on my very public blog, but it's always over something really dumb. I find it particularly annoying that my questions or concerns about important aspects of my job are regularly brushed aside or ignored, but small things I do concerning my appearance are up for discussion at all times. Our priorities, they are not in order.

However, my experiences would be 100x more enraging if those comments came from men. I mean, it's the same stupid expectations and it technically shouldn't matter who's enforcing them, men or women, but it does. My company employs mostly women, so if I have to smooth my skirt under my butt for a raise at least I'll know it's not because the boss likes staring at my ass. If I have to pour her beer after work, at least I know it's definitely because I'm of lower rank in the company and not because I'm the only woman at the table. It is disturbing to me that the idea that women have to be perfect and feminine in the workplace to get ahead seems to be accepted without much protest by Japanese women. Like they all collectively say, "Shikata ga nai, ne?" and go back to work.

But, again, what do I know? I'm just an uppity gaijin.

*I'll admit men put up with some bullshit expectations, but I think women have to tolerate far more.

Placenta on MY FACE?

This past weekend I had an overnight work thing and I got to meet some of the other foreigners in my company. The girl I shared my hotel room with professed to me her love and undying devotion to her amazing skin care regime, which was made up entirely of products that use placenta extract.

Yes, really!

The way she talked about how absolutely fantastic these products piqued my interest and I started looking for them when I got back home. Apparently these types of placenta extract products are popular in Japan and when I went to Loft, my favorite kill-time-looking-at-stuff store, and I found a few things without much effort:

Sounds like this product wants me to challenge a placenta,
or perhaps challenge my placenta? IDK JAPAN.

Placenta extract collagen mask

I know Caroline SWEARS by collagen masks but I've never tried one, so I bought the uber-awesome placenta extract one to try out. I don't read a lot of Japanese but I can read PLACENTA (lol) and see the face mask outline. Other than that I really don't know *specifically* what this product is supposed to do. I'm sure it'll be great to have baby on my face~

I tried to find similar Western products, but the best Google could give me were a few placenta extract shampoos available on Amazon. If you want to read about some really interesting uses for placenta, search for cookbooks and recipes (heh heh).

Kawaii everything

One thing I have come to superficially appreciate about Japan is that there is no reason why anything I ever own has to be ugly. I have seen super kawaii EVERYTHING - kitchenware, appliances (from blenders up to washers/refrigerators), furniture, clothing, accessories, stationery, various tech devices, etc. If I were so inclined I could trick out my portable WiFi device as much as my cell phone, as Softbank sells skins and straps for it.

However, one thing I think might be kind of excessive are kawaii rechargeable batteries.

So chic~

Like... really? I was too lazy to read the sign so these might have some other wonderful feature beyond being PINKCUTEOMG. But super kawaii rechargeable batteries obviously being marketed to my (young/female/money to burn) demographic??? I guess if I have a Hello Kitty remote for my TV, the batteries inside better be JUST AS ADORABLE AND KYAA-INDUCING.

Cat Cafe

Japan is a country with many wondrous, exciting, and strange things. It is a land of (mostly) cute creatures that magically disappear into balls, where a man made of bread rips parts of his own face off to feed to children*, and 14-year-old school girls transform into planetary heroines after school. It is also a place where you can pay to play with cats and drink coffee at the same time.

Cozy~

I wanted to meet up with an old buddy from Sophia days and I half-jokingly suggested we go to a cat cafe. I did not think in a million years she'd take me up on the offer, partly because I wasn't sure what kind of person goes to a cat cafe. Is this the sort of thing "normal" people do? It's not going to be like a maid cafe where some girl in a French maid outfit uses all sorts of fancy keigo I can't understand? Or one of those cafes where girls dress up as male anime characters and flirt with female customers? It's not some strange cover for a snack bar (not what it implies in English) but with cats, is it?

He knocked that box over twice in the hour we were there.

KITTIES EVERYWHERE.

Thankfully it was none of those things. The staff seemed normal, not crazy cat lady types; most of the people there were couples and toward the end of our visit a little girl came in with her grandmother. They had a nice little set up going: the "cafe" was like a big living room filled with stuffed animals, boxes, and cat toys, with some couches at the back and a counter with chairs at the window. You could pay for non-alcoholic vending machine nomihoudai and order from a menu of pasta and sandwiches (they'd give you lids for your drinks or big glass cake covers to put over your food). They were playing some sort of baby Disney instrumental CD and had a TV on low volume showing a variety show. It was a very homey and I would've loved to curl up on a couch with a few kitties next to me.

I thought he and his male friend were there on their own.

"Man, I totally wanna go to that cat cafe..."

My cat cafe date~

Most of the cats were full-grown, but even though they weren't cute little kittens like how you see on Cute Overload, they were all gorgeous and well-groomed. The "mama-san" of the cat cafe could shout at any of the cats and they'd take her seriously - if she called a cat's name, it would respond in some way. Before we officially entered the cafe, the staff did warn us about one problem cat who has been known to bite, but he didn't act up while we were there. Overall it was a nice experience and if I were SUPER ENTHUSIASTIC about cats maybe I'd pay for a membership card.

And of COURSE, I managed to get at least one potential lolcat:

Maybe the Rubik's Cube one on FB is funnier...

*I was told Anpanman does this. And mother thought Ren and Stimpy was bad.

Things the Japanese Do that We Shouldn't in America

1. Nampa

I've heard nampa translated as a few different things (girl-hunting, flirting, skirt-chasing), but basically it's when a guy randomly hits on a girl on the street. Not in a bar, not in a club, not in an izakaya, but literally on a street corner or sidewalk.

Some afternoons in Shibuya, you can see j-rocker types waiting around like lions observing a herd of water buffalo. They'll hang out on the edge of the sidewalk until the Hachiko intersection gets busy, then they'll wait in the middle of the sidewalk waiting for a pretty girl to walk by. When one comes by that they like, they'll try to walk next to her and get her to go to bar or restaurant or something. Why you'd do it in the afternoon in Shibuya, I have no idea; I've never seen a successful attempt at that time of day.

I was a nampa victim last night waiting for Dan. The Hachiko statue* outside Shibuya station is a big meeting place, so there are lots of teenagers and 20-somethings waiting around for their friends. We were minding our own business, waiting for Dan, when a Japanese guy comes up to us and starts talking in Japanese. I thought he was on his phone not facing us, so I ignored him until Ashlie started laughing. He had a friend with him who was a bit embarrassed and kept trying to get the first guy to quit the nampa, but he kept going. I got a drink at Atom out of the whole ordeal; he offered to pay my cover but I declined because I thought that might mean I'd owe him a trip to a love hotel.

Anyway so my ORIGINAL point, having to do with the title of this blog and all, is that we should not adopt this practice in America. The number of pepper spray-related emergency room visits would skyrocket. I find the short Japanese boys who speak broken English kind of endearing, but I don't think I'd find it so cute coming from a frat boy. There were some American boys hanging out around the bathrooms, hitting on the girls who came in and out of the ladies' room, and they were just embarrassing to all Americans (especially on the 4th of July).

Speaking of my grand nation's independence day, I totally forgot about it. But once I was reminded in Japanese class, I decided to go to McDonald's, a truly iconic American institution, to celebrate. No pictures, but I had a salsa chicken burger thing. It was okay. Go America.

*The Hachiko story is the cutest story ever. Go read at Wikipedia.

Things the Japanese Do that We Do in America

2. Procrastinate

I'm in the computer lab, working on my politics mid-term that is due tomorrow morning. I've been working on it steadily for the last week -- I know what I want to argue, I've got the evidence and sources lined up, it's just a matter of putting it all together. I had about half of it written before I came to the computer lab to finish it up.

I snuck a peek at what the guy next to me (who smells like good cologne with a hint of cigarettes) was working on, and he's doing THE SAME PAPER I'M DOING. He just started it. I hope you're not citing that John Lennon Wikipedia page, dear. EDIT: THERE IS NO FIRST PERSON IN ACADEMIC ESSAYS. Oh what I'd give to be able to point that out to him and not look like a complete something-or-another.

I thought to glance over to the girl to my left, and SHE'S DOING THE SAME PAPER, TOO. But of course we females have far more completed than the male, it's Sophia after all.

I wonder who will get the best grade...

Things the Japanese Do that We Do in America

Sort of related to my last post...

Things the Japanese Do that We Do in America

1. Goof off on YouTube

I'm in a different computer lab today, as the one in the library was full. I suppose since this isn't the *library*, no one feels obligated to study or look busy. Right now I'm sitting next to two super-kakkoii Nihonjin boys enjoying human stupidity recorded and uploaded to the internet. My peripheral vision doesn't allow me to see exactly what they're viewing, but they were giggling about something funny. I heard, "I like this part, watch!" and a muted fit of laughter. "Suge!"

I wonder if they have Japanese text speak equivalent to American netspeak (LOL, ROFL, OMG, WTF, etc.)...

Things I Wish We'd Do in America

I have a mid-term tomorrow, so of *course* I'm not going to study. Okay, I will after I make the first two points I have in my head right now.

Things the Japanese Do that I Wish We Did in America

1. Discourage huge monstrosities of baby strollers

During my long winter break in Hawaii, I worked at a restaurant as a hostess. Every shift I'd have to seat a party that had a baby stroller, and they would OMG ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO KEEP THE STROLLER WITH THEM. They would always be the biggest, most irritating strollers -- the ones as big as grocery store carts that have the car seat built into them with the basket crap underneath to keep your shoplifted merchandise baby materials in. (Side rant: If you can afford that kind of stroller, you can afford a babysitter for a few hours.)

They come way worse than this. (Image found on Google)

In Japan, I have yet to see one of these things. Most of the time I see mom or dad carrying the baby strapped to their torso with a Baby Bjorn and carrying a baby bag that, while not small, certainly isn't the humongous duffel bag a football player would use to lug around their safety gear. If I see strollers, they're very small and basic. I assume parents prefer these things because most use the train system to get around. I feel bad wearing my backpack some days, so I can't imagine bringing some gargantuan American stroller on a train.

Also, I'm not sure what they do to their kids, but I am really not bothered by them here. In Hawaii I usually avoid babies/mothers/small children on TheBus, but kids here are very well-behaved. I can count the number of crying babies and toddler meltdowns I've heard on one hand.

2. Require proof of an available parking space to buy a car

Earlier this week, sensei told us that the government requires proof of available parking before you can buy a car. If you can't provide proof, the police will come knocking on your door and make sure you provide proof. There's only so much space in such a densely populated city like Tokyo, so parking has to be regulated.

Not my photo, but an example of a typical sight in my neighborhood. (Image found on Google)

I realize that many factors in the US don't allow for such a law (US public transportation is crap, what government agency would *actually* enforce parking laws to this extent, Americans are lazy, etc.), but it's nice to dream.

OKAY I'LL GO STUDY NOW.