Last Gift

I won't say I hated my job with every fiber of my being, though it felt very near to it at times. My students and their hilarious antics helped me endure even the worst days and I'll miss some of them dearly.

On my very last day, the mother of one of my favorite students gave me this box. I didn't open it in front of her and I was half certain it was something I'd keep out of guilt rather than genuine appreciation.

To my most pleasant surprise, I opened it to find a gorgeous wind chime. I had been looking for one to take home with me and I figured I'd settle for a cheap one from a 100yen shop. I was shocked to receive this hand-painted glass orb from a department store. I hadn't said anything to anyone about wanting one, I'd only been thinking about it. 

I don't want it to blow away in the wind or break on the balcony so it's staying inside for now.

The same mother also sent a card with photos to my Hawaii address. She said the family will come to visit the islands next year and she'd like to see me then. I don't know if her son will remember me, but I look forward to it nonetheless.

ENGLISH SCHOOL IS OVER!!!

I gave my cool kids drawings on postcards with my contact info.
Zombie Moldy Shokupan Man, FrankenMario, and Count Pikachu.

This is Uhn's version of Pikachu.

I didn't say anything about leaving, per Manager's stupid request,
so I didn't get that many gifts.

But I reread part of my renewal of my contract, and I can't talk about the company for a full year! DAMNIT. Oh well. So long as I don't specifically name the horrible awful no good company I worked for, right? Maybe.

I will say that I don't think the company I worked for will be around for much longer. If their current business practices continue, max two years (then we might have a "new" company like there's a "new" Nova). There have been rumblings of trouble for quite some time and bad things are finally starting to happen. I'm glad that I got out when I did.

I'll miss a few of my kids, maybe about a dozen out of more than 60. My oldest, Mittens, did email me so I hope we'll stay in touch. I haven't heard from anyone else yet but I won't be holding my breath. I'm just glad to be done with this job and out of that miserable work environment.

I don't know what I'll do next, but for now I'm going to enjoy my last few days in Japan. When I get home I'll take a break and play a little before really looking for another job. I got a fairly good exit package so I'm not worried about money just yet.

Definitely more DRINKING before heading back into the work force.

OTSUKARESAMA DESHITA.

Miss/Won't Miss #7

Things I'll Miss About Japan #7: Dating Whoever I Want Off Mixi

Of the guys I've dated in this country, I first contacted about half of them (including my current one!) through Mixi and Twitter. I had a friend from my Jouchi days *invite* me when it was still necessary to do so, and I'm so glad I kept the account.

Find me!

I'm a member of the big English and language exchange communities and find good English-speaking fellas through introduction posts. If he's cute and his English isn't too bad, I'll send him a message and offer to exchange Twitter handles. It's all downhill from there for them muahahahaha.

This city is so vast that I've NEVER run into any of them once I stopped dating them, even the one who lives a train station away from me. It's so nice to never have any reminders of them or have mutual friends and go through all the drama and petty he-said-she-said crap.

Things I Won't Miss About Japan #7: "I'm too busy!"

Each of my previous relationships ended with some variation of, "I'm too busy with work for you! You should date other guys!"

The really sad thing is that I kind of believe them. The salaryman types, especially the ones my age, work crazy hours on a regular basis. A 12-hour workday is a Godsend, considering their commutes are about an hour to and from work. My current boyfriend has been pulling 16-hour days this week, and that isn't including the mandatory drinking with the bosses after work.

Not everyone is blessed with cool gaijin coworkers

who take you to Kua'aina Burger!

My parents commented on that when they were here. How lucky they were, they said, to be at home and done with work at 5:30pm, eating dinner by 6pm, relaxing until bedtime, then getting a full 7-8 hours of sleep. The salarymen in Japan work too hard.

I Will

I will be ending my time as an English conversation school teacher in less than two months. Sweet Jesus, hallelujah.

Contract extension? PASS.

While I am no closer to deciding what I will do with my career following my exit from this company, I feel that I have learned a lot about people and about myself. I thank mostly my manager for these epiphanies. I originally was going to write about who I didn't want to be and complain, but I thought I'd at least half-ass an effort to sound positive. So, in no particular order, I give you a list of things I feel I must strive for in the future.

1. I will be dependable

I don't want to be the person no one can count on. I want people to trust that I will do what I say and follow through on what is expected of me. There have been a number of times where I've needed things from other people in my job and they all acted like they'd forgotten about it or I had to NAG NAG NAG for anything to be done. Yes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease and you have to work for what you want and whatever, but I don't think that should be used as an excuse for being treated poorly or outright ignored. I want to be better than that.

2. I will express my gratitude

We recently had a sort of company veteran join our school. She's by the book and follows all the rules, but not obnoxiously so. She's always surprising me by how awesome she is at her job - with the kids and with her coworkers. She's never left me hanging and, going back to point 1, I can depend on her. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GRATEFUL I AM TO HAVE THIS WOMAN AT WORK.

I'm not saying THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU all the time to her (though she deserves it), but I try to show my gratitude through working with her and helping her where I can. If she asks for something, I try to do it as quickly and thoroughly as possible. If I can do some menial task for her when I'm free, I will. Matching words and actions - saying AND showing that I appreciate her being professional.

3. I will give constructive criticism as kindly as I can

I'm a very blunt person. I'm not cut out to work in Japan for the long haul, but I have learned a lot about avoiding unnecessary confrontation. Using a scalpel in surgery rather than a roaring chainsaw, so to say.

I can't say I'm the master of this, but having watched other people successfully deal with problems with just a little bit of patience is mind-blowing to me. I have no patience whatsoever. I'm learning how to develop the skills of counting to 10, gritting my teeth, and nicely puting into words how much I want to punch someone in the face WITHOUT 1) actually punching them or 2) admitting that I'd like to punch them.

It is difficult.

4. I will learn

I make terrible mistakes sometimes, and as awful as they can be I try my best to learn from them rather than dwell on how terrible the experience was. I also try to learn from the mistakes others make, while being grateful (hey, point 2!) that I was not the one who screwed up. If I do something wrong, I'll own up to it and be responsible for fixing it.

5. I will do my best

I will not pass off my responsibilities to someone else. I will not hide my mistakes or attribute them to others. I will work hard and try to help others when I can.

---------------------------------------------------

And now that the mushy positive feel-good stuff is out of the way, I'll tell you, dear reader, about the one incident that ticked me off enough to write this.

This past week, one of our former teachers came to visit. Not red face Brohei-sensei, but our other buddy Sugar Cow sensei. Two of his students came up with that; they were making fun of his first name and I've remembered it since.

He texted me early one morning this past week to ask when he'd be able to see the two who gave him the Sugar Cow moniker. We had a little chat over texts and he mentioned that he had tried to get in touch with my manager, but she must have been busy because she never replied to his mail.

I don't understand how this woman's brain works. This guy saved her incompetent neck from so much, he dealt with me when she didn't feel like it, and he was at her beck and call for a full year. He did his job and a good third of hers, and she couldn't even be bothered to respond to a mail about him wanting to come visit the school. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and let it slide. Maybe she'd mention something at work or be different when he showed up.

I started getting anxious around the time Sugar Cow said he'd show up and was so glad when he finally walked through the door. He looked his age for once (24 if I remember correctly), had put some weight on his skinny frame, and seemed overall much happier now that he wasn't working for our company. I came out and greeted him, gave him a hug, got some updates on his life and all that. The other teachers made a good effort to chat him up and the two kids he came to see were happy to have him around for a little while.

Manager didn't even get up from her chair. She gave him a faint, "Otsukaresama desu," accepted the omiyage he handed to her, and went back to work. It's been a few days and I still can't believe she had the gall to act like that; to be so ungrateful to this guy who did so much for her out of professional duty and wanting to be a good person.

I do not want to be anything like manager.

Conventional Beauty or GTFO

I learn all kinds of wonderful things about people and society at work. Racism is okay as long as you're nice about it, learning disabilities and mood disorders in children should go untreated to save the face of adults (this subject will get its own post), and looks get you farther than talent in every conceivable way.

I know I'm beating an equine beast that has been deceased for a long and indeterminate amount of time, but new things continue to pop up that demand a good rant on the internet.

There was a new teacher-in-training at my school. She seemed nervous all the time and was a bit quiet, but I would have been on edge if I were in her place. Though I hadn't exchanged anything more than polite greetings with her, she seemed nice.

She was also quite pretty. Weighed less than I ever will.

The only comments I had heard about her from higher-ups is that she "sounds good on the phone" and "looks nice." Another co-worker mentioned her standardized test scores were really good, yet she did poorly when a foreign teacher interviewed her in English. As long as you look cute, you don't need to actually speak English to work at an English conversation school, right?

Right.

Prime example - this is an actual note that was left on my drawer at work by a coworker. If they hadn't talked to me in person about this class, I wouldn't know what any of this garbage meant. But hey, fuck spelling and grammar if you've got a pretty face and get people in the door!

Business level English is a preference, not a requirement.

I've interviewed people with a range of skill levels. Some can barely string a sentence together, others speak fluently and tell me they've got a PhD in education from Stanford (at which point I question why they'd ever work for my company). None of it matters. If you're good-looking, you're set. If one person in the interview process doesn't like how you look, you're done.

I've heard all kinds of atrocious comments made about some of my interviewees. I interviewed one guy who had lived in America for a decade and spoke near-fluently, but a coworker couldn't get it out of her head that he looked like some obscure comedian and laughed about it all day. I felt bad for the guy, he did well otherwise and he wasn't all that bad looking in the first place. I'm not sure if he was ever hired or went through training, but I'd guess not.

I can only imagine what people say about me and what random things Japanese people find less than attractive about my appearance. I'd guess 1) too fat, 2) face isn't Japanese enough, and 3) too fat (you really can't be skinny enough in this country). I do have the beautiful white skin that is so coveted by Japanese women, according to the boyfriend at least. I also don't need any glue for my double eye-lids, they're natural.

The pretty trainee ended up not making it because she found the higher-level classes too difficult to teach. I'm surprised someone had the gall to let a conventionally attractive girl go without a job. Guess she wasn't cute enough for someone at the head office.

Things the Japanese Do: Think "silly" is a cuss word

Recently my brother has taken to chiding my mother and father for using the word "stupid." He says it's a bad word that we shouldn't use. Instead, we should substitute the word "silly" for when we'd normally opt for "stupid."

They wouldn't air it in Japan if it was "Two Silly Dogs."

As a native English speaker, I can tell you with all authority that this is perfectly fine in most situations. "Stupid" can have a very negative connotation, especially when combined with other 4-letter words. However, "silly" has no weight to it. For example, let me present two phrases:

1) You are so stupid.
2) You are so silly.

The first phrase is quite legitimate and I'm sure most native speakers have heard it before or even hurled it at someone themselves. You would be calling someone an idiot and thems is definitely fightin' words. I can almost guarantee that you will never hear the second one in any sort of serious confrontation or argument, because it is simply too fluffy. It's more of a light comment you'd make after seeing a baby animal or small child do something cute, or a phrase you could use if you were a writer for Monty Python.

In the completely logical country of Japan, this is not the case. In my personal experience, "silly" is considered a heinous taboo word that should never be uttered.

In one of my classes this past spring, a young child made a small mistake and I said, "Oh [dear child whose mother I loathe], don't be silly!" The mother later complained to my manager that I had called her child "silly." I have written about my work situation before, so I will just say that we did not come to an understanding about the word "silly" as native speakers see it. Because you know, we should disregard whatever the native speaker says about their own language in regard to how a non-native speaker misinterprets it.

My grandmother student has also said that "silly" is a terrible word to use and has warned us against using it with her granddaughter. I should really bring it up in class one day and assure her that there are far more filthy terms at a native speaker's disposal when dealing with children. I did successfully teach her the term "brat" and she even used it in class to describe said granddaughter.

Japanese people do have a strange affinity for the word "crazy." I realize we use this term to describe a variety of things, but it can quickly become rude when describing people. I hear a lot of, "My kid is so crazy!" "S/he is so crazy!" and they don't mean to be offensive but I know to many people it would be. Yet no one in Japan would ever talk about mental health issues or people who are actually foaming at the mouth and rambling about how their best friend Zombie Satan wears a fedora on Tuesdays, so trying to explain things like that under most circumstances would be useless.

I think I should make a list of words to use instead of "silly." If I can't use silly, perhaps "fuckwit" is a better substitution. Suggestions welcome.

A Note to 2012

Hey 2012.


Just a few things on how to be awesome. First, some general points:

1. Try not to be a dick with the natural disasters. 2011 REALLY messed that up in an epic fashion. We're still recovering from those and we don't need more to deal with.

2. Get that global economy back on track. It'd be nice.

3. America kind of sucks right now, can you make it suck less? I know 2011 kinda screwed us over with the batshit crazy GOP presidential candidates and a sitting president who's less than hopey-changey these days, but you can do better.

4. Take advantage of that whole Mayan calendar ending thing. "The world will end as we know it." That's not a terrible thing, because the world as I know it isn't full of rainbows and bunnies and Nyan cats.

5. Keep the internet memes coming.

Personal points:

1. Related to the America-sucking-less point, I need Japan to suck less as well. I'd like to live there for a while longer without wanting to gaijin smash everything.

2. 2011 gave me all these great new wonderful people in my life. Keep that up, I like having funny kids in class and people to see on the weekends.

3. My family is happy and healthy. My friends are happy and healthy. I'm happy and healthy. Keep that up.

4. 2011 was a Rabbit year and I did all right, but 2012 is a Dragon year and that's kind of frightening. Make sure it doesn't eat me alive.

5. More j-boys. Sandaime J Soul Brothers is like the best thing ever, thanks to 2011. Top that.

And just so you're not alone in this, here are some things I'm going to strive for:

1. Pass JLPT N3 and improve my Japanese all around.

2. Expand my social circle in Japan. And not at international mixers, those are terrible.

3. See, do, experience more. I want great memories and stories, not useless stuff.

Let's do it, 2012!

Things the Japanese Do: Go to the Doctor for Everything

I was the unfortunate victim of food poisoning this past Wednesday. Dinner came back up the way it went down at about 2:30am and I spent the rest of the night running to the bathroom. I didn't get much rest and I certainly didn't feel good, but I also knew skipping work the next day would be pretty bad. I got through my Thursday classes, slept a good 12 hours that night, and still wasn't 100% better today but I got through it.

I didn't go to the doctor since I knew what made me sick and I doubt any doctor could give you medicine to cure food poisoning. I took some good ol' Pepto-Bismol, tried to keep hydrated, and didn't have any problems.

The best things in life are pink~

This is generally what we do in America when we get sick - self-diagnose and medicate with over-the-counter drugs. If you've got the sniffles and a cough, you take some Dayquil to survive the workday, eat some soup when you get home and go to bed early. If you're still sick after a while or you get worse, then you go to the doctor. If you're prone to getting sick in certain ways and already know what the doctor's going to tell you since you've been there a million times before with the same thing, you skip going altogether and treat yourself unless you need a prescription.

I can think of a few female friends who have been prone to urinary tract infections. Maybe their moms or sisters got them a lot, too, so it's not necessarily something they can always avoid and the infections just sort of happen. They drink a lot of fluids, namely cranberry juice, and maybe buy a bottle of cranberry pills. It's not a big deal and they know at what point they should visit the doctor, if ever.

It's very different, and not necessarily better, in Japan. People go to the doctor for every little thing in this country. The first time I wore glasses to work my manager asked why I was wearing them, and I told her my eyes felt a little dry so I decided to skip wearing contacts. I suppose she immediately assumed my eyes were going to fall out of my head and asked me three times if I needed to go to the doctor.

One of my coworkers went to the doctor last week and I'm still not convinced they needed to. They were fine the night before when I left work, but still somehow needed to take half a day off the next day came in looking perfectly fine at 2pm. Did I mention I went to work half dead after puking and pooing my brains out the night before? Another coworker once went to the doctor for a headache and came to work 2 hours later. If I did that back home I'm pretty sure the doctor would tell me to go get some aspirin and laugh about it with the nurses.

Having a fever is also the ultimate kiss of death in this country. If you have a fever, you NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR NOW. Back home, I'd probably take some ibuprofen and drink more water. You can call in sick with a fever and be left alone, but if you have any other sort of severe symptoms like having lost your voice or body aches you better be at work or school. Kids come to class with all sorts of disgusting sicknesses going on, but if they have a fever moms will keep them at home as if that were the only legitimate reason to do so.

"Suck it up, Timmy! Time to go to English school!"

I realize part of this attitude comes from the fact that the Japanese have this great nationalized healthcare  system (paying to see a doctor? PSH we don't do that here) and there are tons of little private practices all over the place. In my neighborhood alone, there are a bunch of chiropractors, pediatricians, and dentists, and there are at least two women's clinics within reasonable walking distance; there's also an English-speaking doctor on the other side of my station. If you don't like a doctor at one clinic, you can try a bunch of other clinics in a relatively small area until you find one you like. Even in a comparable metropolitan area in the US, it's just not as easy to get to a doctor's office and you're kinda stuck with whoever your insurance allows you to see. Why would you go to the doctor in America? You're better off diagnosing yourself and drinking 10 bottles of cranberry juice.

I haven't been to the doctor yet since coming here, although by Japanese standards I'm sure I've had a few episodes that warranted a trip. Maybe I'll call out the next time I have a headache.

Back to Work

Despite the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear crisis, the corporate whip continues to be cracked and I returned to work yesterday. I know many people in the company wished they had more time off to deal with everything, but just for myself I was kind of happy to have something to do other than watch the news all day. The trains aren't running at full capacity so I don't feel comfortable going really far into Tokyo, and the blackouts just make life so much more hectic than necessary. Complain complain complain, I know.

Having class was kind of nice; I had some of my favorite students come in so it wasn't a hard day. One of the girls came in with her stuffed animal dog, and none of her other classmates came so I had her bring the dog into class and I had two students. Around 5:15 one of my Japanese coworkers started running around like a mad woman, and it wasn't until after my class ended at 5:50 did I find out we were going to have a blackout in 30 minutes. GREAT. I left and ran home to make dinner before the lights went out. Power was out for about three hours, which meant I had electricity in time to watch Arashi on TV!!!

Yes, this is a weekly segment on the show.

I was flabbergasted to find out at least two of my fellow trainees will be leaving Japan, one of whom will be gone maybe two weeks. Of the ten in my group, they live THE FARTHEST from the disaster areas. Did I mention I live the closest and I do not fear for my life because there is no reason for me to be afraid? Because I am 150 miles from the reactors and will probably never be evacuated because the *radiation* will have almost no effect on me where I am? That this has been repeated by authorities in and out of Japan? Well I just did so now you know. I can understand leaving for good more than I can understand leaving for a week and coming back. Pardon my French, but shit is not going to magically get better in two fucking weeks. You will, at some point, have to develop the mental and emotional defenses for dealing with the crisis because IT ISN'T GOING TO GO AWAY ANYTIME SOON. If you can't do that and decide to leave, that's one thing. Going home and coming back "when it's better..." you'll be gone a damn long time.

Adding to the panic is also about the worst thing you could do. The western media is hyping this up and stirring up as much fear as they possibly can, and I feel like a lot of people are overreacting. There is no panic in the streets of Tokyo, people aren't developing third arms or fifth eyes. Nuclear Reactor Boy has not taken a poop yet. Y'all in California and Hawaii need to be sending all that iodine you bought to Fukushima because it isn't going to do anything for you over there. I don't know how the airports are right now, but even if I were thinking about leaving, I'd do it a little later. Embassies are trying to get their nationals out of the affected areas and I'm not about to take up a seat on an airplane that someone else needs more than I do. 

And in this FEAR and HYPE, I honestly feel that some people are forgetting about those who have been most affected. Pray for the people you know and make sure they're okay, but don't forget about the people you may never know who desperately need your support. Keep buying the shirts and the wristbands, keep texting the charities. Those things make a difference, no matter how small or insignificant you feel you contribution may be.

My own mother sent me a whopping 29 cans of tuna yesterday, even though I've told her I'M FINE I'M FINE I HAVE FOOD I HAVE MONEY DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME every time I've talked to her. I will eat each can feeling very loved~ I hope she sent me a cookbook with all those cans.